Listening, Learning, Loving: A Reflective Journal Through Relationship Skills

March 6th, 2025

Excerpt

As I write this final blog for our class, I find myself reflecting not only on the material we've covered but on the growth I've experienced—both personally and spiritually. What began as a series of assignments has become an opportunity to look inward, to assess the foundations of my own relationships, and to recognize how deeply faith, communication, and intentionality shape the way we love and serve others.

Through these reflections, I’ve been reminded that relationships are sacred work. They require grace, patience, and an unwavering commitment not only to one another but to God’s design for unity. The theories and research we studied have offered valuable tools, but it is ultimately Scripture and prayer that continue to guide me and my marriage forward.

I’m grateful for the space this class created to share these experiences, to explore the complexities of family and connection, and to give voice to the real and sometimes messy journey of blending lives, raising children, and healing from the past. Though this is my last blog on this topic of study, the lessons will carry on as my husband and I continue to grow in our faith and in our love—imperfect, but deeply rooted in God’s grace.

Anchored in Love: A Reflection on Healing and Partnership

Interpersonal relationships shape our emotional and psychological well-being, especially within intimate relationships (Floyd, 2017). One significant experience that profoundly shaped my understanding of interpersonal skills took place during a challenging time in my relationship with Dakota, who was my fiancé then and is now my husband. We were navigating the complexities of balancing personal goals, career aspirations, family responsibilities, and co-parenting his daughter, Audrey.

A pivotal moment arose during a conversation where I found myself feeling deeply insecure, triggered by my own past traumas related to abandonment and emotional neglect. After a difficult discussion, Dakota had to leave for work, but his physical absence—though completely reasonable—felt, to me, like emotional distance. I began spiraling into fears that our unresolved conversation meant disconnection or rejection, even though he hadn’t actually withdrawn from me emotionally.

Meanwhile, Dakota was simply managing his responsibilities, unaware that I was interpreting the situation through the lens of my own past wounds. This disconnect created an unspoken tension where I craved immediate reassurance, but the reality of our schedules didn’t allow for that.

After some reflection, I realized that our conflict wasn’t rooted in his actions but in how my own insecurities shaped my interpretation of the situation. Recognizing this pattern helped me shift my perspective—I needed to give both of us grace, to communicate my feelings openly, and to approach these moments with patience and empathy, rather than letting fear and assumptions take over (Floyd, 2017).

Another layer of complexity in our relationship has been the ongoing, and sometimes difficult, conversations surrounding co-parenting Audrey. Stepping into the role of a stepmother has challenged my sense of identity and belonging. I have struggled with understanding my place in Audrey's life, often battling internalized narratives shaped by media portrayals of stepmothers as "evil" or "unwanted." These perceptions created moments of resentment and self-doubt, leaving me questioning whether I could ever truly be accepted in this blended family dynamic.

Dakota and I have had to be extremely intentional about how we approach these conversations, ensuring we validate each other's feelings while also prioritizing what is best for Audrey. Through open dialogue, we've worked on establishing boundaries, sharing responsibilities, and creating a supportive environment for her. These discussions have helped me realize that redefining the role of a stepmother is not only possible but necessary for fostering a healthy family system built on respect, empathy, and love.

Through these experiences, I gained a deeper understanding of the nuances of interpersonal skills in romantic relationships. Active listening, emotional regulation, and conflict resolution are fundamental to maintaining a healthy and supportive bond. These situations reinforced the importance of addressing issues openly and honestly while acknowledging each partner’s unique communication style and emotional needs.

Divine Order and Human Understanding: A Theoretical Reflection

Several theories in human development and family science help explain the dynamics of our interaction. Bronfenbrenner’s Ecological Systems Theory highlights the impact of external influences, such as work obligations, co-parenting responsibilities, and societal expectations, on our communication patterns (Floyd, 2017). Our relationship does not exist in isolation; it is continually shaped by the layered systems around us. For example, Dakota’s work schedule often limits our time together, which can create moments of disconnection, while societal narratives around stepfamilies and “acceptable” family structures have influenced my self-perception and confidence in my role as a stepmother. These external pressures often intersect with our internal experiences, shaping how we respond to each other during moments of tension and vulnerability.

Attachment Theory by Bowlby and Ainsworth also plays a crucial role in understanding our responses to stress and conflict. My tendency to seek immediate reassurance stems from an anxious attachment style shaped by past traumas of abandonment. In contrast, Dakota’s calm, steady demeanor provides a sense of security, even when physical distance—like leaving for work—occurs. However, while he was not emotionally withdrawing, my internal narrative interpreted his absence as disconnection, which escalated my feelings of insecurity. These differing attachment patterns have required us to develop a deeper understanding of each other's needs and triggers (Floyd, 2017).

To combat these challenges, we lean heavily into our faith, viewing our relationship as something greater than ourselves. Our faith reminds us to extend grace, patience, and forgiveness, especially during moments of miscommunication or heightened emotions. We also prioritize being honest and vulnerable with one another, expressing our fears and insecurities without judgment. I have personally started therapy during my pregnancy, which has given me practical tools to better understand and manage these insecurities, allowing me to recognize when my anxious thoughts are clouding my perception of reality. Therapy has also improved my ability to communicate these feelings clearly to Dakota, who, in turn, responds with empathy and reassurance.

Additionally, formalizing our commitment through marriage has given us both a renewed sense of stability and purpose. Marriage has reinforced our dedication to continuous growth, knowing that our union requires constant learning, effort, and grace. While we are far from perfect, our intentions are rooted in love, faith, and the desire to build a strong foundation for our family. With each challenge we face, we are learning how to support one another in healthier, more compassionate ways. This growth is ongoing, and through the application of these theories, we continue to cultivate a relationship built on understanding, patience, and unwavering support.

Sacred Strategies: Embracing Growth Through Christ-Centered Love

Based on these theories, our strategies to strengthen communication have grown naturally and authentically, rather than following a rigid plan. We lean into our faith as a grounding force, reminding us to approach each other with grace and understanding. We prioritize truthfulness and vulnerability, sharing openly about our fears, insecurities, and needs without judgment. My commitment to personal growth through therapy has also provided tools that help me regulate my emotions and communicate more clearly.

Together, we've made intentional choices to prioritize our union—through marriage, through daily acts of love, and through the constant effort to learn and grow as a team. We are not perfect, but our shared goal is to keep showing up for each other with patience, empathy, and the desire to build a strong foundation for our family. These efforts have deepened our emotional connection and strengthened our ability to navigate challenges with resilience.

Heavenly Guidance, Earthly Tools: Assessing the Role of Christian Marriage Ministries

When reflecting on intervention programs from a Christian perspective, biblically based marriage ministries and counseling services provide a unique and spiritually grounded approach to relationship support. Programs such as ReEngage, Focus on the Family, and The Marriage Course integrate biblical principles with practical tools to help couples strengthen their emotional connection, improve communication, and navigate conflict with grace. These faith-based programs emphasize the importance of mutual submission (Ephesians 5:21), speaking truth in love (Ephesians 4:15), and embodying patience and forgiveness (Colossians 3:13) within intimate relationships.

These Christian-centered interventions encourage couples to invite God into their relationship, reminding them that “a cord of three strands is not easily broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:12). By prioritizing prayer, scripture, and faith as foundational elements, these programs provide not only relational tools but also spiritual nourishment, reinforcing the commitment to love one another as Christ loves the Church (Ephesians 5:25).

From a policy standpoint, increasing the accessibility of biblically based counseling and relationship education within churches and faith-based community centers can offer much-needed support to couples. Encouraging local congregations to host marriage workshops and provide affordable or donation-based counseling services would allow more families to benefit from faith-driven guidance. Furthermore, promoting early relationship education, grounded in Christian values, in youth and young adult ministries can help prepare individuals for healthy, God-honoring relationships long before challenges arise. These faith-rooted supports are vital in fostering lasting, meaningful unions centered on love, grace, and unwavering commitment.

Walking Humbly: Biblical Principles for Professional Conduct

In faith-based practice, ethical conduct is deeply rooted in biblical principles, reminding us to serve others with humility, compassion, and integrity (Philippians 2:3-4). As a future professional in human development and family science, I believe it is essential to uphold Christ-centered values such as honesty (Proverbs 12:22), confidentiality (Proverbs 11:13), and treating all individuals with dignity and love (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). Providing relationship guidance means fostering a safe, supportive environment where individuals feel heard and respected, while also pointing them toward healing and restoration through God's truth and grace.

Empirical Evidence of God’s Truth: Studies that Affirm Biblical Principles

Empirical research supports the significance of effective interpersonal skills in sustaining intimate relationships. A study by Markman et al. (2010) on relationship satisfaction and communication found that couples who engage in structured communication exercises report higher levels of satisfaction and emotional intimacy. Similarly, research by Johnson (2019) on emotionally focused therapy (EFT) highlights the role of attachment security in fostering long-term relational stability.

When viewed through a Christian lens, these findings align with biblical teachings that emphasize intentional communication and emotional connection. Scripture encourages us to “be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19), reinforcing the importance of thoughtful, patient dialogue in nurturing healthy relationships. Integrating both empirical research and biblical wisdom into professional practice allows relationship educators and counselors to provide holistic, faith-filled guidance to couples navigating interpersonal challenges.

Sustained by Grace: How Faith and Knowledge Shape Our Love Story

Reflecting on this experience has reinforced the importance of effective communication, emotional awareness, and biblical wisdom in managing intimate relationships. By applying relevant theories, formulating strategies, assessing faith-based interventions, upholding Christian ethical standards, and integrating empirical research with Scripture, we can enhance our interpersonal skills and foster healthier, God-honoring relationships. This journey of growth continues to shape my personal and professional outlook, reminding me that strong relationships are built on mutual understanding, intentional effort, unwavering faith, and continuous learning under God’s guidance.

References

Floyd, K. (2017). Interpersonal communication (4th ed.). McGraw-Hill Education.

American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. (2015). AAMFT Code of Ethics. https://www.aamft.org/Legal_Ethics/Code_of_Ethics.aspx

Focus on the Family. (n.d.). Marriage resources. https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work: A practical guide from the country's foremost relationship expert. Harmony Books.

Johnson, S. M. (2019). Attachment theory in practice: Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) with individuals, couples, and families. The Guilford Press.

Markman, H. J., Stanley, S. M., & Blumberg, S. L. (2010). Fighting for your marriage: Positive steps for preventing divorce and preserving a lasting love (3rd ed.). Jossey-Bass.

ReEngage. (n.d.). Marriage enrichment program. https://www.reengage.org/

The Marriage Course. (n.d.). Strengthening relationships through biblical principles. https://themarriagecourse.org/

The Holy Bible, New International Version. (2011). Zondervan.

• Ecclesiastes 4:12

• Ephesians 4:15, 5:21, 5:25

• Philippians 2:3-4

• Proverbs 11:13, 12:22

• Colossians 3:13

• James 1:19

• 1 Corinthians 13:4-7