Breaking Generational Patterns: Love, Family, and Healing

February 7th, 2025

Like the wild horse, we carry the spirit of those before us, yet choose our own path. We honor where we come from, but we are not bound by it. With every stride, we break cycles, heal wounds, and forge a future of love, strength, and freedom.

Our early family experiences shape our perceptions of love, conflict resolution, and emotional intimacy. The way our parents or caregivers interact with each other and with us sets a foundation for our expectations and behaviors in romantic relationships. This reflection aims to explore the impact of my family of origin on my approach to relationships, including the values I hold, the patterns I recognize, and the conscious choices I make to foster healthy connections.

Inherited Lessons

Growing up, my family dynamics were deeply influenced by culture and tradition. My family was complex—my mother married an older man at the age of 15 and became pregnant with me at 16. This man was physically and emotionally abusive and was not the best partner to her. He had been previously married to his high school sweetheart and had three daughters from that marriage. He cheated on my mother and had a son just months after my birth. Following this betrayal, my mother found the courage to leave him and divorce him, returning home where, unfortunately, things were not much better.

My grandparents, her parents, were alcoholics and had two younger daughters of their own. When my mother moved back in with them, she returned to an unstable and chaotic family environment. She met my stepdad when she was 18 and enjoyed his company. Eventually, she was convinced to move in with him and his roommate. However, this arrangement was a surprise to my stepdad, as it had been made between my mother and his roommate without his full awareness. Despite this unconventional beginning, my mother and stepdad quickly formed a relationship, and she became pregnant with my younger brother, all while her divorce was still not finalized.

In reflection, it is crazy to see the similarities in my own narrative. I met my fiancé, Dakota, while separating from my ex-husband, and now I am pregnant with our daughter, Anastasia. These parallels make me realize that patterns in relationships can sometimes repeat in unexpected ways. However, I feel that there is no complacency in my journey—I am aware of these patterns and actively working to build a relationship based on stability, mutual respect, and open communication.

Another painful reality I have come to acknowledge is how incest has poisoned the foundation of my family. This is something I have no tolerance for. It breaks my heart, but it also allows me space to understand that these behaviors are often passed down generationally. However, I now have the privilege and responsibility to overcome this family sickness. I will overcome it, and I have the power to shape my family's destiny. Recognizing these dark aspects of my family's past fuels my determination to create a different future—one rooted in love, respect, and emotional safety.

These experiences shaped my understanding of relationships as a blend of dedication, resilience, and the necessity of adapting to challenging circumstances. Love, in my family, was often complicated, and stability was difficult to attain. As a result, I developed an appreciation for perseverance and emotional endurance in relationships, even when faced with adversity.

Carrying the Past, Creating My Own Path

These family interactions instilled in me a strong sense of loyalty and perseverance in relationships. I value stability, commitment, and mutual respect, as these were the core principles I observed growing up. However, I also learned that communication is essential—something I had to develop consciously since open emotional expression was not always emphasized in my family. From my parents, I absorbed the importance of working through difficulties together rather than viewing challenges as dealbreakers.

Unpacking the Habits of Love

Looking at my romantic relationships, I notice certain behavioral patterns rooted in my upbringing. I naturally gravitate toward partners who exhibit responsibility and dedication, mirroring the qualities I admired in my family. However, I also recognize a tendency to avoid conflict, preferring to internalize issues rather than address them directly. While this can maintain peace in the short term, I have learned that open and honest communication is crucial for long-term relationship health. To counterbalance this, I actively work on expressing my feelings and addressing concerns rather than suppressing them.

The Power to Choose, The Power to Heal

Understanding the impact of my family background has empowered me to make more mindful choices in my relationships. Recognizing the need for healthy communication, I prioritize open dialogue and emotional vulnerability with my partner. Additionally, I strive to break negative patterns, such as avoidance of confrontation, by practicing constructive conflict resolution. By doing so, I can foster a relationship dynamic that embraces both the strengths and lessons from my family history while making room for personal growth.

Reflecting on the influence of my family of origin has provided valuable insights into my approach to romantic relationships. I have gained a deeper awareness of my expectations, behaviors, and the steps I can take to create a healthy, fulfilling partnership. This exercise has reinforced the importance of self-awareness and conscious effort in building relationships that align with my values while allowing for personal and emotional growth. Moving forward, I will continue to embrace the lessons learned from my family while refining my approach to love and intimacy in a way that fosters deeper connection and understanding.