Trust, Finances, and Partnership: The Way We Do Money

February 11th, 2025

Financial decision-making in families is often influenced by deeply ingrained gender roles, whether traditional or evolving. According to Olson, DeFrain, and Skogrand (2020), men have historically taken on the role of primary earners and decision-makers, while women managed household expenses and caregiving duties. However, these roles have shifted in many modern relationships.

In my own relationship, while Dakota takes the lead in financial management, our approach isn’t about rigid gender roles—it’s about trust and balance. I feel secure knowing he provides for our family, allowing me to focus on planning for our home and children. In many ways, I feel the security of a little girl with him—protected and cared for—which adds to my confidence in our union. Rather than challenging societal norms outright, we’ve found a rhythm that works for us, one built on mutual understanding, support, and shared goals.

Our Own Way: Navigating Finances as a Couple

In many households, financial decision-making aligns with traditional gender norms, but in my family, we take a more flexible approach. Olson et al. (2020) discuss how evolving gender roles have led to increased financial collaboration between partners, emphasizing the importance of shared decision-making in fostering intimacy and financial stability.

In our home, Dakota primarily manages long-term financial planning, investments, and savings, while I focus on keeping track of expenses and ensuring our household needs are met. In many ways, I am spoiled—I don’t directly see the money, but I communicate what we need, and Dakota provides as he can while keeping us within the budget he sets. While this structure might resemble traditional financial roles, the difference is in our teamwork. I don’t feel restricted or uninvolved; instead, I trust Dakota’s management while ensuring our day-to-day financial needs are met. This dynamic works well for us because it plays to our strengths while maintaining open communication and shared financial goals.

Security, Support, and Spending: How Gender Affects Our Finances

One of the most significant financial decisions we’ve faced recently has been preparing for our daughter Anastasia’s arrival. According to Olson et al. (2020), financial stress can impact marital satisfaction, especially when one partner feels an unequal burden in financial planning. Fortunately, I have been grateful not to worry about financial strain, as Dakota has taken the lead in ensuring our family’s financial stability.

My role has primarily been focused on planning for the baby—making lists of what we need, organizing registries, and ensuring we’re prepared for her arrival. Dakota provides as he can, making sure everything is taken care of while managing the budget. Registry gifts from family and friends have also been a huge blessing, easing the financial load even further. While traditional gender roles might suggest that financial planning should be a shared effort, for us, it works best to divide responsibilities in a way that allows me to focus on preparation while trusting Dakota to handle the financial aspects. This balance has made the experience stress-free for me and has reinforced our teamwork in making the best decisions for our growing family.

Reference:

Olson, D. H., DeFrain, J., & Skogrand, L. (2020). Marriages & Families: Intimacy, Diversity, & Strengths (10th ed.). McGraw Hill.